I think I might be the one who dies
The soonest
I’ve been living fast and loose and have been blessed
With too much too fast too often to keep this going —
Every time I wake up I’m shocked
I quiver like wow am I really getting a chance to do this
Am I really getting a chance to be a father to these
Amazing people and a husband to a perfect,
Woman – a woman who was perfect the day I met her
And has held defense against my onslaught in one arm
While embracing me with her other
Who has always known exactly when to drop her defense and
Embrace me with both —
God she feels like hope —
I get in a car that’s nicer than it should be
My commute’s a trailer for a feel good movie
I work, I get respect, I collect more than I should
And I bring it all home to these
Wonderful people
And all along, it’s clear to me that I’m a piece of shit
I am a breathing heaving piece of shit
And every single day
I imagine dying
I feel like I deserve to
That I have way too much
Way way way too much good luck
What the

And all day
Every day
That shitty side of me gets slain
Beaten down, stood on
Stood on and stared at and totally fucking
By the real me
By the one who screams

Thank god that side of me is here
Confident ly alive
God I hope
I am the one who DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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