Mid-Thirties

If I’m lucky I’m mid-aged,
Maybe I’ll hit it big and go a bit longer?

I work double to stay the same
It’ll have to be triple if I want to get stronger

When I look ahead, I see their future
None within, none of it’s mine
I wish I had
a problem with that
But really? This is fine

I still smile back at some history
And piece by piece I pick off the edge
Everyone else can dwell in detail
While I construct a showcase for best

Then when I die
Something will stand
Glistening in my empty space…
A big ol’ metaphorical dick
That’ll stuff itself right in your face

The ? is

Now that I’m
Halfway down the path
And along the way I missed the signs
Am I half dead? Or am I only half alive?

Everything Was Better

Everything was better when you were here
I can’t seem to shake this confusion.  This fear
Cripples my mind – I have no ideas
Everything was better when you were here.

There are too many rules now
I can’t pause for break
Without wasting precious life
One mistake
Could send me back to the fucking stone age
Locked behind bars – the law is my fate
But when free, the law’s my fate anyway
I cannot control my life
It’s strange
How strangers wrote the rules
Without me
And yet I just accept the values
Of people who lived when I wasn’t born
Much less learned
Much less aware of the problems that burn
And create this confused and luminous fear

Everything was better when you were here

My Empire of Hurt

The music is here for
me now, you’re not
So think before you
open your mouth

No one controls the way I think
They just limit the way I act
Which is good because if they didn’t I’d
Be a lunatic
But sometimes I slip past their limits
Sometimes   I         slip outside
Sometimes my right eye bleeds over
And am left with everyone who’s died
I ask them questions but they don’t listen
I want to know the future so bad
They all scream at me in their instant
Need to confirm impacts they had
But I don’t recognize a face
A voice, a smell – anything
So I just let them tear at me
And eat
And eat
My sanity

I wake to find it was just a dream
FUCK!!
It was
Just
A dream
I spit up blood in the sink
And I don’t even wash it down
It feels like death is always way too busy to come around

Oh yeah I forgot, being awake sucks.