Hungry for Magic

Medusa

If I wanted you I could have you
It’s clear how I’d have to act
But I’m not an actor
Idon’twanttobe
I s h o u l d n o t h a v e t o b e
Woman, if you don’t like me for me
Then leave me
Alone for
I’m not someone who needs someone to hold
Though I desire
And think of you
I don’t need you here
To hold

Even though I don’t want to be left alone…

I’d rather be me
Than have my heart beat
to stone

Zeer Ohhh

Excuse me
For not be
ing able to write something
Beautiful today
But I haven’t been inspired in a
Good, long while
Or in a good, strong way
I haven’t been inspired
In any way at
all $4.00
And cents
Are meaningless
When you reject
Change
And you’re not feeling like you have that much to gain…

Any equation I’ve ever had has factored down to 0
Fading with the past… .. . . . . . my attention’s become 0
Having never learned a thing, my knowledge is 0
So when people ask my age
I just drool and mutter
Zeer ohhh….
Then I sit +
And write –
Stupid shit +
That only I +
Can read +
And understand in any way
Which is exactly why I’m = $0.00 free

I Confess

I confess that I’m useless
I confess that I’m not afraid
I confess that I’m powerless
I confess that it’s getting late

I confess I’m never sure
What I’m doing
That I just go
On floating
Along

I confess that I left my Mom
With an empty nest
I confess that I feel powerless
To help her deal
With that

I confess that I fear the day
When my child does the same to me
I confess that I’ve never been so afraid
Of anything

I confess my words have become much more generic
That the fact that I don’t share them
Makes it much more apparent
That I’m useless
But I confess that I don’t care
I confess that uselessness has given new perspective – where
I once saw opportunity I now see meager dreams
I confess I was distracted by the power of a scream
Hardcore music now is as important to me as ever
But I realize now that it is their – not my – endeavor
So I’ve begun recording what I’ve always written down
I confess that I’m becoming more familiar with the sounds
That come out of my face when I have something to say

I need to run myself ragged before I feel anything

I confess that I’m useless
I confess that I’m not afraid
I confess that I’m powerless
I confess that it’s getting late

So here we are in this crowded world
Never sure what’s going to happen next
Here we are with a useless wrist wa
tch around and see
Useless means we don’t have to be
Af
raid of anything

2000

Since the year 2000
My weekends have been less fun

I have had no one
To talk to
Deep into
The night
And into
The morning

I’ve written so many poems now
That I’m not sure if I can express
Anything except the same old thing
(Love, hatemptiness…)
So I better uhh…
I better just shutup
But I don’t get the better because I don’t give a fuck
I feel like such a asshole when I write
With my left hand
Yet when I type my left hand flys…
So I don’t understand
Why I’m still u_nrolling
in this
overly digital world
I guess I’ll just forget you it and
Remember how to hurl

I Don’t Know What I Believe In Anymore

I feel like I am the center of an apricot
Wet and hard
But I’m not sweet so I’m discarded
But if I’m lucky
I’ll become a tree someday
And they will see
That though I’m not sweet, I can make sweet things
And in my heart I hope it brings
Them health and indissoluble happiness
Fruit and all of our happenstance
The slow-motion swing of a happy dance…
Spins and lifts life’s beautiful dress
And I’m on the floor
Laying down
Staring straight up into its pussy
And when I see
Stars
I don’t know what I believe in anymore

I Want It All Back

All the blood I gave…

Catastrophe ripped through my flesh [like it was no
thing]
Stitched up on a hospital bed [like it was no
thing]
I spent months letting it heal [like it was no
thing]
Lesson learned from all the blood? uhh
NOTHING

 

All the sweat I gave…

I was nervous that life would never change [so I ran]
I couldn’t stand being the same [so I ran
away from yesterday] My plan
Was to be something better than me
[good plan]

 

All the tears I gave…

Failure became
Normal
Failure became
Normal
Failure became normal
Normal became blood
Blood became vision and all I saw was guts
The inner-workings of my life all looked so diseased
Running around and breaking down I broke down to my knees
Where
Crying became

Crying became

Crying became normal
I felt like such a pussy
How could they
Be this way?
Why did they leave me?
I can’t fucking stand this
I want to just end this
I want to fucking blow my head off
And just end this

 

All the blood I gave…
I want all my blood
All the sweat I gave…
I want all my sweat
All the tears I gave…
I want all my tears

I want it all back
I want to extract my memories onto a dumbdrive
Hook the dumbdrive up to a computer
And print a big stack
Of my embarassmentz
Delete it
Then I want to burn it all
And forget it
So I can feel what it’s like to believe again
So I can feel what it’s like to be clean again