Reactions from a knife forced in my head:
I don’t give a shit
This slaughterhouse retracts all regrets
I don’t give a
Shhhh…

Fight your fucking fight and I will still do what is right
There’s no light in your obsession
I am learning lessons and they’re making me much stronger
I no longer fear pain, blood, dismay
Destruction, or my birthday
I blow out the candles that you light
As you blow out mine
You built this Frankenstein but it’s a sunny day outside
No brightening, lifening lightning
Only sunlight shining down on blood and guts
It seems God called your bluff
Motherfuck!
You better start handing over the obscene
And make sure that it’s clean

Everything’s flying but I can’t tell if it’s in the air
Or if I’m underwater
It all seems the same when you’re under so much pressure
I see you standing over me with knives and I wonder
What the fuck?
Am I stuck? Why can’t I move? Am I real? Who are you?
Then you force a knife into my head
And I no longer give a shit
Thanks for cutting out the part that cares
And throwing it everywhere

Everything hurts
That’s how I know it’s a mission
I’m not afraid of death
I listen
To the sound…
Of freedom
Pounding
Drums in my head
My mind
Melts
To the tempo of it
And pours into the cracks where I stand
Vessels branching, making the land
Fertile
Giving others a chance

To go on…

I stand in the river

I STAND
IN THE RIVER
THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO DIE
I AM SO SICK OF
DREAMS AND ALL THEIR LIES
I STAND
IN THE RIVER
THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO DIE
This is where I am in peace
And in peace is where I want to lie

Casting hope into the depths
And reeling back its emptiness
I was fishing for a chance
An accomplishment all mine…

Casting hope into the depths
And reeling back its emptiness
I was fishing for a chance
To catch a moment in time…

But I decided to walk away
From my lucid fantasies
To a place where I can’t help but be
As crazy
As I long to be

I decided to walk away
With footsteps changing along the way
From shoes to socks to barefoot, they
Wrote the story as I

Walked away
From everything
I’d

Earned

And

Everything

Hurt…

Everything hurts
That’s how I know it’s a mission
I’m not afraid of death
I listen
To the sound…

Of freedom
Pounding
Drums in my head
My mind
Melts
To the tempo of it
And pours into the river

This is where it ends
No more excuses
No more friends

I stand in the river
The currents rush against my face
The blood I cry flows behind
And drowns me at a stable pace
Of freedom
Pounding
Drums in my head
This is where it
Has to
End
No more breathing

No more

Friends

I am so sick of
Dreams and all their lies

I stand in the
River
This is where I slowly die
With eyes wide open I don’t need
The tears I used to cry
To feel the world rush into me
And attempt to drag me along
No,
I stand in the
River
And I’ve never felt so strong

Oh God

I wish the wind would blow

And cool off my…

WHATTHEFUCKFUUUUUCKFUCK
AHHHHHHHHHHHFUCKWHATTHE
FUUUUUUUUCKFUUUUUCKFUCK
AHHHHHHHHHHHFUCKFUUUCK
Oh God I wish the wind would blow
And cool off my
hot head
I was given the truth and I
Reacted well wrong again

Oh God I wish the wind would blow
And calm me down again
I was faced with something real and I
And I
Freaked out again

Oh God I wish the wind would blow
Everything

away

Some
times
life’s too hard and I
Can’t deal with it today
I don’t want it
I can’t deal with it
Don’t want it that way

Oh God
I wish
The wind
Would blow
The giant hole out of my soul
Control was lost when I “took hold”
Of life and thought it was control
I know now that I must let go
Of this and let the cool wind blow
Me up and down through life’s astound
ing

ness?

I guess??

I just can’t seem to express
Desire to end this emptiness? helplessness? helpless emptiness
I guess
I’m overwhelmed with stress
I just needed to confess
That all the best
Things in life
Chagrin [vexed by disappointment or humiliation]
Now
That I’m
Loud
When I say
OH GOD I WISH THE WIND WOULD BLOW!!
And the wind
Blows me away

When will the deathmaticians learn
That I don’t fit the mold
I am unforgettable[
Unreasonable][
In my] out of their [control]
They don’t like that because my neck’s their goal
And I won’t take their shit anymore
I won’t walk in line anymore
Another line suggesting nonconformity
And another
Like, a thousand “I don’t give a fuck”s
And a glowing omnipresence leaping out of a crowd of shadowy distillate blindness
Yeahhh!!

Down with the deathmaticians!
Up with me!

I believe that apathy is a disaster
And I wish trees would grow faster
Or that I would grow
Slower
But I am a lover and though love lives forever
The lover does
Not

Tragedy…

From every branch of every tree the tragedy of life is
Growing, living, and falling to the ground…
Everything that comes to be
Leafs (Yeah I know it’s spelled “leaves” – it’s a metaphor
Asshole! Haha! God you’re
Dumb! Hahahaa
aaauhhhh…)

I believe that laughing at someone is
Admitting you’re better
And admitting you’re better
Is proof that you’re worse… So
To keep myself humble
I laugh at everyone
Including
Me
I suggest you do the same
And don’t worry about embarassment
4
Embarassment is an admittance of fault
Remember: everyone is just as bad As you
They may just choose
To hide
When you choose to climb
Knowing full well you will fall off

This

Gigantic branch
Of other people’s judgme
nt is mankind’s worse disease
Judgment is mankind’s worst disease
At least that’s my belief
Anyway…

I believe that life is mine
That life’s all I know
And though someday punishment will slow
Me down
I’ll still clown
Around and around
While I fall
To
The ground And

Please…

When I begin to rot Please
Show apathy toward me Please
Leaf me beneath the tree
And let it be
A tragedy

Passion is fueled by desire
Desire burns when people can trust
Trust is impossible without love
Love cannot be argued or understood

Reason is the passion killer

Afraid to talk
For fear that someone’s listening
My mind crawls
Through narrow tunnels in Ireland
My brother’s there
My brother’s right in front of me
And he is scared
I didn’t think he was scared of anything
Life goes forward
Fast forward through everything
I go on knowing
That I’ll never amount to anything
I get drunk
I get punched right in the eye
I take a drive
To my sister’s house and she immediately screamsWHO DID THIS TO YOU?
In the most sudden rage I’ve ever seen
She burst into tears
At the very sight of my embarrassed pain
WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
WHAT THE FUCK? I’LL KILL THEM
TELL ME WHO DID THIS
SO I CAN FUCKING KILL THEM!

I assured her that it’s ok
That I deserved it anyway
But she didn’t care

And that is why I love my sister